Will Varley The Self Checkout Shuffle song lyrics

Well, I can't afford to pay this month's rent

On cigarettes and booze, all my money's been spent

That letter from the bailiffs looks quite serious

How those people sleep at night is quite mysterious

I've got a payment plan for the electricity

By Christmas I will have paid them off, Christmas 2033

My Mum gave me a tenner to buy dinner for the night

But I put every penny on Black 29

Now I've got no money to buy food and

wine and I'm just hanging out in Aisle 5

There's an unexpected item in my bagging area

I don't know how it got there-ea

The man is coming over and it's getting scarier

I think this machine must be broken.

Well, I'm no thief. Stealing is really not my style

Those self-checkouts they really drive me wild

You can swap the labels around at the deli-counter

I feel a bit like Jesus when I put wine through as water

You can pretend to scan something, make the beeping with your mouth

It doesn't feel wrong because noone really misses out

So I was just finalising the details of my plan

Filling up my basket with real pork ham

When suddenly I looked up and there was my friend's Mum

And in the light of Aisle 5, she looked weirdly attractive

There's an unexpected item in my private area

I don't know how it got there-ea

Now she's coming over and it's getting scarier

I think my morals have broken.

She's looking at my shopping and says "Wow,

you must be plush!

I've got a full time job and I can't afford that stuff"

I said "We only ever have 'Taste The Difference' of

course! I never get the basics brands, I don't like horse"

Then I realise she was quite delighted.

All the premium branded food was getting her excited

So she takes me by the hand, I try to explain "I'm just not ready!"

But she makes a make-shift bed out boxes of Frosted Shreddies

Half an hour later I'm praying it doesn't turns blue

I don't know how I feel about stealing for two.

There's an unexpected item in her bagging area

I don't know how it got there-ea

The midwife's coming over and it's getting scarier

But it know my machines isn't broken.