The Handsome Family Drunk by Noon song lyrics

There once was a poodle who thought he was a cowboy,

But he lived in a cage the size of his thumb

And, though his white horse was a box of toothpicks,

He galloped around until hit by a car

Sometimes I flap my arms like a hummingbird just to remind myself I'll never fly

Sometimes I burn my arms with cigarettes just to pretend I won't scream when I die

Sometimes I can't wait to come down with cancer

At least then I'll get to watch tv all day

And on my deathbed I'll get all the answers even if all my questions are taken away

If my life was as long as the moon's,

I'd still be jealous of the sun

If my life lasted only one day,

I'd still be drunk by noon