Audra McDonald Baltimore song lyrics

When my mother told me don't forget your rain boots when it's wet

I listened up, just like a good, good little girl

And when she prudently suggested I should lose the cigarette

I knew that bit of wisdom was a pearl

But in all of the advice that I collected through the years

I admit to you, with trepidatious dread

Unfortunately, there was some that whizzed right through my ears

Ah, WHERE.? WHERE was my mind, when Mother said

Avoid navel-contemplating floppy haired actors originally from Baltimore

Who excel at mime, collect stamps and have issues with their mom

Sure at first they're very charming, their attention is disarming

But give attention in return and dear they'll drop you like a bomb

Yes, do avoid REO Speedwagon loving Christopher Walken imitating thespians originally from Baltimore

Who can't piss unless their shrink says it's ok

Why let them break your heart, dear?

Put your head on and be smart, dear

Put some bug spray on and make them go away.

When my daddy told me look both ways before you cross the street

I took his words to heart and I complied

And when he told me be yourself, and I should march to my own beat

I did and found THAT truth was bonafide

But in all of the advice that I collected through the years

I have to say, I am a bit surprised

I missed the best advice that Daddy trumpeted my way

Ah, where where was my mind when he advised

Avoid narcissistic alcoholic think-they're-French-but-they're-not waiters originally from Baltimore

Who deflower you, carry a copy a Fountainhead in their pocket and lie about their age

Sure at first their eyes are steely, and their words are touchy-feely

Have them cheat upon you twice and my advice is more than sage

Yes, do steer clear of Renaissance festival loving food service consultants originally from Baltimore

Who say they dance with NYC ballet but are really an administrative In-TERN

For it's clear upon reflection

When you give him your affection

You will understand the concept crash and burn

The singles world out there can be a scary land

I have to ask, is it me, or is it Maryland?

So if you can possibly avoid it, don't fall in love or lust

Or have crushes on Boys from Baltimore

Though indeed at first they seem filled with style and class

Sure Cal Ripken's charm is actual but he's married and it's factual

Pamlico is not the only place you'll find a horse's ass

Yes, at all costs avoid ridiculous though amusing experiences cultivated in Baltimore

Barry Levinson, I mean no disrespect

If you have to go to Baltimore, and meet boys, do not marry em

Although it's true I've heard that they've got quite a nice Aquarium

Ladies, take your hearts and run as fast as little legs can carry em

From Baltimore

There are better boys in Boise

Boys in Boise always call

You'll have better luck in Josie

Or St. Paul

Well, not St. Paul

But no matter where life takes you

It just makes no sense to fall

In Baltimore.

Hey, where are you from? Silver Spring? Oh!